The Inbox Lover

 


 
 

The Inbox lover (revised)
 

Adela hadn't read her messages for three days and anxiously looked forward to checking her computer at work on Monday morning. She didn�t have a computer at

home and during the weekend, all she dreamed about was that moment when she would arrive in the office early.

Inside the subway compartment there was the
combination of
fresh, subtle, refined smell of perfume. As she looked around she
started thinking of him. What if someone here were to know the joy that awaited her
at
work?! A message from him!!! How many of these people here have never
touched a computer before, she thought to herself. She tried to tell Maria about this, but
she
wouldn�t have been able to understand. In fact, what was there to understand?
That she was having a crush? That she fell in love with some words gathered in messages on a computer screen every day?
It was for her an undeniable joy. So many years had gone by and
her soul was laying in a total desolation. Each day resembled the one before,
so flat and lifeless as they were, as if she had buried her hopes alive. How could she have lived her life this
way, how could she have abandoned herself in this mediocrity until now?! She felt young and alive again, like
a young mare running joyfully and free through the forest!
Now she felt
revived, why would anything else matter? Anything else? What else?
In
fact there wasn�t anything else, she had her life back, and her heart was back in her chest!
She could feel it ticking for him, anxious to enjoy again those strong emotions and the need, as a
confirmation
that she was still young and able to love and to hope!
She realized for the first time in her life that there�s no life without emotions, excitements,
joys and pleasure. Real pleasures! Even the bitterness of being apart from him was proof that
she was alive.
She arrived especially early to read her messages in the
peace and quiet of the empty office. S
he threw her bag on the desk and still wearing her
coat,
she swooped upon the computer switch....yes, he had sent her three
messages.
She read breathlessly his lines, sweet words, innuendoes among intellectual aberrations, which no one else but they would
understand. Apparently everything looked like a debate on a theme, only they learned to read between the lines, it was a cipher, a secret code that they mutually shared, some dots here, a comma there,
a playful
electronic smile...oh, was it play, a childish game, was it fantasy? She
didn�t
know anymore, but it was sublime. He was thinking of her, visiting
her in his thoughts and
joining her in his dreams. It was so obvious, three days , three messages. The first one was
from
Friday, after she left the office. Reading the last lines she felt a
vivid
thrill inside her overflowing heart. So, he felt the same too� Oh, how she loved him!
The office began to come alive with smiling mates sipping their first cups of coffee. She printed his messages and when she found a spare moment she read them again and again, trying to
discover
more, beyond the matrix of the alphabet. Strangely how some words when
arranged in a certain order can make a heart tick! The alphabet has only a
few
letters , but it can change lives and destinies. Without a doubt, it had changed hers
. Yes, she loved him with all her being; she loved the way his
spirit vibrated strongly beyond the words. Any break, any combination
of
words unleashed streams of feelings inside her.
She also wrote three messages, full of interruptions, dots, question and
exclamation marks. And of course included those electronic smiles. Their relation was in a way
like
a �Bolero�of Ravel , it was growing and growing , day by day. She
wanted to tell him she wished to meet him, to feel him, to touch
him, to
convince herself that he was real. But no, this had to come from him.
They had told and retold their lives , their memories, they knew each other�s
favorite
food, colors, music, their work schedules, the names of their friends,
of their
parents...everything...They had even exchanged pictures, when she saw him for
the
first time she tried to persuade herself that she still liked him.
She had
imagined him a little bit differently, but what was the point when she
already knew his soul and his entire life!? He was beautiful, so warm and
beautiful on the inside.
Before leaving, she checked for any new messages he had written to her.
It
seemed like he was playing with the words, but he
handled them perfectly. Everything was in harmony with the way
she
felt, everything was meant to vibrate inside her, on the most intimate
strings of her being. He had sent her a poem and a red rose, which was opened
in
the middle of the screen and from its center, when it was in full
bloom, showers little colored stars and small blinking hearts would burst forth.
She saved it and made it her screen saver. Vladimir, what a beautiful name! She felt the need to fill her whole life with this
name, to inebriate herself with the magic of those mysterious messages. She wasn�t thinking about any future, nothing of
the sort, but what she felt then mattered and that was worth suffering the consequences. He
was
unhappily married, with a jealous wife, who didn�t understand him and
threatened to take his son away from him. She was always
asking
about his son in her messages and that seemed to please him
and he gladly told her about his son�s latest news. He seemed very proud of
this boy.
She wasn�t any happier herself, also unhappily married and with no
children. They had talked about so many intimacies, Vladi was suffering
because his wife deliberately ignored him, because after the child was
born
, their intimate life ended. It was the same with her and Marius, but
not
because of a child, Marius was a skirts chaser. She had realized that after
the
first year of marriage, but he cried night after night, asking for her
forgiveness. She didn�t know if she had forgiven him, but they were
still
together and they seemed happy.
Apparently a smooth comfortable marriage and everyone admired them.
Their marriage was often pointed out among their friends as an example of a perfect marriage. If only they knew

But what would be the point in telling them?
She read again his lines in the subway train and felt again that
warming
wave, whose climax was a wonderful thrill, she had learned to recognize it,
knowing when it was supposed to come, and it
was always came at the end of the warm wave.
Once she arrived at home she had dinner; she then got up and left the table, leaving the dishes undone. She
pretended she was not feeling very well and lay in bed to
dream
about Vladi. She was dreaming about their first date, about her
hesitations and
about his patience and understanding. Sometimes the dream
would suddenly fade and she would hear the sound of a little boy crying, 'Daddy

, don�t go.' Then she
felt
a sort of remorse, but she thought about Vladi's unhappiness at home and she soon got
over it.
She caressed him in her mind and cried gently on his chest, as if
this
way she would clear up all his sorrows. She dreamed about a new life
together with him and about starting over, and this time they would do
everything right, everything perfect.
Marius was reading a newspaper on the sofa, waiting for the movie to
begin. The phone rang.
�Hello, he answered, yes she is home, wait just a second, I'll see if she is awake.
Adela, it's for you.
'Hello,' said Adela.

A man's voice responded, 'It�s me, Vladi, forgive me, but you told me your husband would be at work.'


'My, God! Is this really you?' Her knees were trembling now, even though she was sitting down.

'Don�t be mad at me for calling, I just wanted to hear your voice, and believe me, it took some courage to call you�'

'I really don�t know what to say, you took me by surprise; I had fallen asleep and I am a bit
confused right now...'


'It's all right, I've heard your voice now; that�s enough for me...have a nice
evening,
and I'll send you a message tomorrow.
Adela, I love you truly, madly, deeply...


Adela held the phone in her hand several minutes after Vladi had hung up. She was so shocked that she
didn�t even now what to believe..
'Who was on the phone?' Marius asked, intrigued by the unknown man's voice. She had never been called by an unknown man before.


'Aah, it was Ginny�s husband, a mate of mine, she is not feeling very
� well lately and he called to ask me Georgescu�s
telephone number; the one from the Military Hospital.


'What is the matter with you , Adela? Are you sick? You're shivering and you look
pale! Let me make you some water and sugar, a tea or something? Should I go to the drugstore, do you need something?'


She stood up, still shivering and went into the kitchen. She collapsed on a chair and tried to reach over to open the drawer.
She wanted to drink
a cup of strong coffee. Marius offered to help her, but it was obvious she was
still irritated, probably postponing a discussion for later, when she would
feel better. She then went to the bathroom to take a refreshing shower to help her regain her composure.
She knew it would help her.
She took the pile of messages that she kept in an old metal candy
box from the closet. She read them all again, especially his very first message...she was
crying restrained, silently...how much she loved him! She would have gotten out of the house
and run into his arms that very moment. She fell asleep with him on her mind and awoke with the same
thoughts of Vladi's messages.
Days passed, measured by the number of messages and two exceptionally long days when all she had were her dreams.

One day there was a phone call. Marius picked up the phone and
answered in a strange way that didn't make any sense.. Puzzled and curious, Adela picked up
the other phone and heard the voice of an outraged woman talking loudly in
a very strong voice.
'Mister Marculescu, I don�t know you, but I do know your wife
very well. She and my husband have been writing each other for months. I
� can bring you their massages on a floppy disk.
'Madam, I don�t quite understand, can you be more specific? What is it exactly
that my wife did?'


'I can�t be more specific than that! I mean your wife and my husband are
lovers!'


'What? How come? My wife is a very serious person; there must be a mistake.'


'I have evidence that they write each other everyday, even twice a day! They are in love and they
complain about us! Vladi complains about me, that he doesn�t have an intimate
life. And look what they talk about you! She says you are a gigolo and you are
not romantic anymore with her. How do you allow such a thing?! I would teach her a good
lesson to remember! Don�t forget there is a child involved and he
loves his father a great deal! What are you gonna do? Be a man! Do something! After all,
� you are her husband, why haven�t you realized that your wife has a lover?'


'Madam, please calm down, I think there is some mistake; my wife
wouldn�t do such a thing, especially if you say we are talking about a married man,
� having a child. I know my wife well enough to tell you it can�t be her.'


'Aren�t you Marius Marculescu? Isn�t your wife�s name Adela; doesn't she have
green eyes and long dark hair? Where do you think I got your telephone number?
I was worried because my husband had become confused lately and stopped
eating, and stopped caring for his child, so I began to investigate. It had
something to do with the computer. Both his joy and sadness came from the
computer, a new god nowadays! Our neighbor is a computer science student and
I paid him to look for the monster hidden in our computer Poor me,
I only know how to wipe the dust from it and pay the bills. And my neighbor found
everything there, all ther messages, Adela�s picture, your phone number.
� Hello, are you still on the line?'


'Yes, I'm listening, but I don�t quite understand anything, we don�t
� have a computer; wait, you�d better talk to Adela
yourself and clear things up. I really don�t know what to say about it�'

Adela, more dead than alive, didn�t know what to do. She silently hung up the phone. Marius walked into the bedroom to call Adela. Seeing her hesitation,
he walked back to the phone and said, 'Please hold on a moment, she is just getting out of the bathroom.'
Adela decided to confront her. She knew so much about her
that even the fact she had called to tell Marius everything was despiteful.
In fact it�s the same old problem. When a husband cheats, for example,
is the lover to blame or is something wrong with her husband? Which lover is the blame?
If not that lover, it could be any other since he decided to cheat. When Adela's husband
had cheated on her, she never blamed those women, but him, he was the only one
responsible for his actions!
'Yes, madam, you misunderstood, we are not lovers at all, we have
never seen or met each other. We have only opened our souls and wounds to each
other. That�s all. Vladi isn�t happy at all and I can�t say I am either..,' She looked
meaningfully at Marius when saying this and he turned away.
'Happiness? What are you talking about? We are talking about a
home, a child, not about happiness, here. I don�t care if you and Marius are
unhappy, this is strictly your problem, all I am asking is for you to leave my husband
alone, he is my husband and he can�t bear to lose his son. All you are doing is
confusing him, trapping him in your fantasy, because he will never leave home!
Do you understand? I took him bare naked, without an education, he has done
everything with me, all he has is from my rich parents. In fact, he didn't have anything when he married me. He is a loser, if you really knew him!
I stay with him only because of our child! He�s no good for anything, even
� as a man, if you didn't know this yet!'


'It's up to him to decide about his future; he does�t seem to be a
loser. I wish to end this argument right now; it has gone too far. We are
� not lovers!�



'Forget it, I know better, my neighbor told me it is possible for you
to be �virtual lovers�, whatever that means, but you are still lovers! Don�t you write each other that you are in love? Isn�t that the same thing? Do you think I haven�t eyes to see him diminishing like a candle?
Doesn�t that mean he is in love? Please, don�t reply to him anymore,
even if he writes hundreds of messages to you. The child
found out about this affair and he hasn�t stop crying after his Daddy.
I know you are not a mother, but if you still have a heart, leave him
alone to mind his own life. Take care of your own marriage, no matter
how it is, it�s still a marriage. This love passes away and you wake
up in a marriage anyway. Do you think Vladi and I weren�t in love? Is
this what you think? I am not gonna tell you about my life,
but I have read that you and Marius married out of love. Please
leave him alone and mind your own husband, if you say he is a chaser.
Good night!� And she slammed down the phone.
Adela was too upset to have dinner that evening, she was just crying silenty till all her
tears dried. Marius, also upset went to bed on the sofa, in the living room. After all she
was glad Marius found out. He now knows exactly the way she used to feel when he acted unfaithfully.
However, she wouldn�t cry for forgiveness like he did. He might as well
leave now; nothing mattered anymore.
In three days she lost weight and her face became thinner and she
was pale gray all the time. She had told her co-workers her mother was ill,
so they would leave her alone.
The inbox kept on getting filled with his messages. She opened them; read
them; sometimes she almost replied to them and she then changed
her mind. In his messages she began to see that he was a weak and defeated man; in fact, in none of them did he seem to have
made a decision to leave his wife. All that came through his
messages was weakness and regret. He just didn't have the courage or the guts to do it. And she would
have done anything for him! In the end he will just have to live with the consequences of his decision or lack of it!
Soon his messages were less frequent, shorter and more laconic.
By Christmas, after a few months from the phone incident, his messages had stopped altogether. Then he sent her a short greeting.
There was only a laconic �Merry Christmas!�...signed: Vladimir...now a stranger from
their love who was once consumed passionately in very long messages. What was left of him?
She had loved Vladi, a ghost, a fantasy, a dream. She pitied him for inside this Vladimir was still the real beloved Vladi
The sorrow had cured with the passage of time. It was just that she had never gotten the chance to tell him she understood and would keep him in her soul. In spite of what had happened, it was really sublime. Their love hadn�t been virtual at all, what she had felt inside was extremely real. She thought to herself, 'In fact, this is love�s circle, isn�t it? The rainbow goes in the same package with the rain, the joy with the pain�'

She was four months pregnant and Marius felt on top of the world. She
also comforted herself with the thought she had received two gifts: Vladi and the child.

She wondered what she would do if one of Marius
lover's husband called her as Vladi�s wife did. Now that they were expecting a child, would Marius be as weak
as Vladi?

Is a mediocre marriage better than a vivid love relationship? Maybe,
this is how things are among all their friends. They say marriage is the tomb of
love. But who is in always wants out and who is out wants in. Why do
people always want what they don�t have? How silly, in fact who wants what
they already have!? Anyway, she would never keep Marius from leaving.
He shouldn�t stay with her only because of society�s strings. She hated hypocrisy!



But what if he loves his child as much as Vladi does? Would this count that
much in making a decision? Is it better for a child to have a father at his side if there were no
feelings between the parents; would this be a proper climate to
raise a child? Parents usually call this 'a sacrifice on the altar of marriage';
this is, in fact just a good disguise for their weakness and cowardice. Why would a person more likely breakup
a childless marriage for the sake of a lover than a marriage where a child was involved? In fact she
admitted to herself that her convictions will surely change after having this baby. What is this moral weakness that the guilt of a child brings that parents no longer know what they really want or neglect those simple little things that keep the love candle lit? Why does a marriage that is
suppose to be a warm safe nest become over time a prison?

She began to
understand the love affairs around her differently now since she had loved Vladi. She
read a book long ago about the social roles that we assume,
in marriage or in our professional life, and she totally agreed with this assumption. Only love can never be
institutionalized such as marriage or a profession; Eros doesn�t give a damn about our social
structures! Maybe that�s what her mother meant when she told Adela long ago that
it takes much more than love to build a marriage. Now she knew that this was indeed true.

Anyway! Come what may! Life is beautiful and full of mystery! Nobody
will ever understand love and lovers. Happily married or not, she finally joined the
club of self imprisoned people! She now really felt responsible for this little
child growing and moving inside her. She will soon be a mother! Marius was treating her
wonderfully and they were so happy planning the future and especially how to decorate the baby�s room!
The secret to life is to receive what life offers and to make the best of it! She remembered poor
Vladi again and what a terrible wife he has! At least she and Marius were
talking more, sharing secrets and having a closer relationship. What has
always saved their marriage from ruin was their communication and cheerful
dispositions. From this point of view they had been lucky indeed for both of them were
the jovial by nature! She had always hesitated to leave Marius for a strong reason: they always
had a great time together. Maybe that�s why Marius is wanted so much by other women because he knows
how to make them feel great! Not to mention he is well mannered and knows how to treat a woman!



She smiled, remembering their first date, she was totally absorbed by him. He knew
something that most men don�t, that every woman has her own inner bell, waiting for that
one person to discover it. Though she had several lovers before she met Marius, nobody else
was able to discover the woman inside her! In fact she had never stopped loving him
ever since they met. But what was Vladi to her then? A fantasy? She read that
people needed to fulfill their frustration in their imagination, in their fantasy at
least! But when the fantasy involves reality, what then? She appreciated Marius very
much for not being rude or inquisitive about Vladi. Maybe this fantasy, this love affair
with Vladi made cleared her feelings about Marius. Did she only need a flirt? She
hadn�t done that in years! Maybe she just needed a change, she needed to meet Vladi.
From time to time, we all need confirmation of our seductive powers even over our husband. And yes, Marius is the man she wants even if he is a born flirter
!
Inbox love, stolen love..her inbox was empty almost all the time and in exchange her
heart was full of confidence, of expectation and love. It�s strange how things turn out
sometimes, from what could have been a tragedy, instead she gain a clear vision of her life!
Vladi had finally stopped writing to her. Maybe he even resigned altogether about leaving his wife.
She thought that men always complained to their mistresses that they were not happy at home a
s a way of justifying their having a relationship. She only wondered if she had been
Vladi's real lover or only his inbox lover?

By adria
 
© 2008 adria (All rights reserved)